A Sort Of Spasmic Phlegm Induced by Leaden Fumes of Pleasure… that’s the album title of the year right there, thanks to tongue-in-cheek Swiss stoners Phased.

Thanks to Obiat, your search for the musical equivalent of a hundred magic mushrooms and a bottle of whiskey is over. Eye Tree Pi; turn on, tune up, space out.

Paradise Lost invented and ruled a genre, and then seemingly wandered away. Now they’re back for the goth-metal crown with Faith Divides Us, Death Unites Us.

Part Chimp may be aping (arf!) Micheal Jackson by titling their latest album Thriller, but its sludgy noise rock stylings are a little underwhelming.

It’s all twenty-something existential depression all the time on King of Jeans, the third slab of dark and doomy punk from surly foursome Pissed Jeans.

From the far side of the world, Ahkmed are adding stoned chapters to the ever-growing book of post-rock; distance is deceptive, so stand close to the speakers.

The kings of sludge best mind their crowns, because Brooklyn’s Hull are eyeing their thrones. Sole Lord is slo-mo post-metal done just the way it should be.

Misery Speaks have made it to album number three with Disciples of Doom, but its nostalgia-tinted melodic death cliches are nothing to get excited about.

Still very much in business despite never quite meeting their hype, … And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead return to Portsmouth with a pocketful of chaos.

Brooklyn prog-metal bruisers Scribes of Fire throw in everything but the metaphorical kitchen sink on their self-released debut album, Zauberer.